HUMOUR BRETON

Tu sais que tu es breton ou bretonne si ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 * Tu sais qu'en Bretagne aussi il y a du soleil.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               * Tu sais que la mer est nulle part aussi belle !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  * Tu arrives à te baigner dans une eau à 17 degrés, en disant aux autres qu’elle est bonne.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         * Tu es le seul à apprécier le vent, la pluie et surtout les tempêtes avec leurs énormes vagues qui se fracassent sur les rochers ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               * Tu sais ce que veut dire l’expression "T’es pas en sucre !"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               * D'aller à la mer, ça n’a rien d’extraordinaire, c'est jamais à plus d'une heure de route de toute façon ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               * Tu vérifies avant d’aller te baigner à quelle heure  "Elle est haute"! 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      * Pour toi, se faire réveiller par le cri des mouettes, ça n'a rien d'exotique ou ça ne sent pas les vacances.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    * Tu sais que l’on ne parle pas de la même pluie selon que l’on dise qu’il « crachotte » ou qu’il « pleuviotte » (soit dit en passant, en Bretagne, il ne pleut que sur les cons, c'est connu ...).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         * L’été dès qu'il pleut, tous les touristes (parisiens surtout) mettent des cirés Cotten jaune avec des bottes, et toi tu es en short ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           * Une tempête pour un parisien, c'est une brise pour toi.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   * Tu grognes devant la météo et surtout devant le présentateur qui dit « en Bretagne ENCORE de la pluie ».

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         * Tu ne trouves pas que les noms de ville en Plou-quelque chose, c'est barbare ou rigolo.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        * La moitié des gares de ton coin sont des gares terminus - la preuve que Paris n’a rien inventé.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 * Pour toi, faire des crêpes ça ne s’arrête pas au Mardi-gras.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         * Tu sais que si tu goûtes une fois à la crêpe au caramel au beurre salé, tu ne regarderas plus ta crêpière de la même façon.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   * Tu sais ce qu'est une galette, et que les "crêpes salées" c'est presque un sacrilège.    

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            * Tu sais que le vrai cidre, c'est du brut, et que c'est un des rares trucs que les normands savent faire.

* Pour toi, le chouchen ce n'est pas très fort.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          * Il ne te viendrait pas à l’idée de prendre du poids sans que cela ait du goût (autrement dit, manger du beurre pas salé).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               * Tu sais que tout marché qui se respecte vend des galettes saucisses et se finit par un Kouign amann ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        * Tu sais que les Gras de Douarnenez ne sont pas des morceaux de lard !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         * Tu n'as pas besoin de vérifier la signification de "Gwenn ha du" dans Wikipédia.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       * Tu mets des « donc » à chaque coin de phrases.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       * Tu parles en moyenne trois fois plus vite que la moyenne des français en coupant les fins de phrase en -ble (ex :  impecab’).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      * Tu utilises régulièrement des expressions comme : prendre les ribines, aller en riboul, avaler des louzoux, avoir les cheveux qui partent en distribil ou à dreuz, marcher dans le lagen, sers moi un coup de gwin ru, da gousket bihan, à bloc Jean (Le) Floc'h, impec Lagadec et l’incontournable YEC'HED MAD !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 * Tu sais que baragouiner vient de « bara gwin » (du pain et du vin).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     * Tu sais que les briochines ne sont pas une marque déposée de chez Pasquier.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    * Tu sais ce que signifie les mois en « -bre ».

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              * Tu sais qu'une goélette ce n'est pas le petit du goéland.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         * D'ailleurs tu sais faire la différence entre la mouette et le goéland.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       * Tu sais que partout où tu iras dans le monde tu trouveras des compatriotes.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            * Tu sais ce que c'est qu'un biniou ou une bombarde ou encore un cercle ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                 * Tu sais ce que c’est qu’une école Diwan.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             * Tu dis des festou-noz et non pas des fest-noz car oui le breton a un pluriel.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                * Le Fest-Noz c'était un peu ton bal des pompiers à toi.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          * Tu ne doutes pas que dans Ille et Vilaine, « Ille » prend 2 L.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           * Tu sais que la Cornouaille c’est pas qu’en Angleterre.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   * Tu sais d’où vient Merlin l’enchanteur.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           * Tu sais ce que c’est qu’un korrigan.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      * Les gens te demandent toujours si tu parles breton, alors qu'en fait le seul mot qui te vient à l'esprit c'est toujours kenavo.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 * Tu râles tout le temps sur ta région, mais quand tu la quittes tu clames haut et fort ta fierté bretonnante.