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Gérard a 80 ans et habite à la maison de retraite.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Toutes Toutes les nuits après le souper, il fait une petite promenade dans le jardin.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Une nuit, il s'approche de Julie, 77 ans, et lui dit : « Tu sais ce qui me manque le plus ? »  
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Quoi ? » Répond Julie. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   « - Le sexe ! » 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Elle s'esclaffe. « - Vieux cochon ! Tu ne banderais pas même si on te menaçait avec un revolver »
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       - Je sais, dit Gerard , mais j'aimerais juste qu'une femme me la prenne dans sa main . » 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 « - Bon si c'est seulement ça je peux t'aider, » lui consent de bonne grâce Julie. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Unissant le geste à la parole elle lui descend la braguette, sort le petit pénis et le garde dans sa main. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   La tête de Gérard exprime un plaisir absolu.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Ils se mettent d'accord pour se rencontrer secrètement chaque nuit, histoire de bavarder et de se la tenir un peu.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Une nuit, Gérard ne vient pas à l'heure convenue.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Julie, angoissée, le cherche partout pour s'assurer que rien de fâcheux ne lui est arrivé. Elle le retrouve enfin, assis au bord de la piscine avec Liliane, une jeune poulette de 75 ans, lui tenant l'objet  dans sa main. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Furieuse, Julie l'invective : « Traître! Qu'est ce qu'elle a que je n'ai pas  ? » 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Et Gérard avec sa plus belle expression de joie de lui répondre :" La MALADIE de PARKINSON " !

                                                                                                                                             La jeune mariée  ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Après quelques années de vie commune, un jeune homme décide de se marier avec sa petite amie.

                                                                                                                                                                         Comme il n’est pas du tout au courant des traditions, à la fin de la messe, il s’approche du curé et lui demande :
- Excusez moi mon père, je sais qu’il est dans la tradition que les jeunes mariés fassent une offrande au prêtre qui a célébré le mariage, mais je ne sais pas ce que les gens donnent en général.

                                                                                                                                                                                         Le prêtre lui répond dans le creux de l’oreille :
- En général, c’est en fonction de la beauté de la mariée. Plus elle est belle, plus la somme est élevée.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                   A ces mots, le jeune marié se tourne vers sa femme. Il hésite quelques instants, plonge la main dans sa poche et tend une pièce d’un euro au curé.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Le prêtre, compatissant, lui dit :
- Ne bougez pas, je vais vous rendre la monnaie …

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