MARIAGE :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "Union qui permet à deux personnes de supporter des choses qu'ils n'auraient
pas eu besoin de supporter s'ils étaient restés seuls".

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Théorie du mariage :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         1)  Le mariage est une institution.
2)  Le mariage c'est l'amour
3)  L'amour est aveugle.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Conclusion  :  le mariage est une institution pour les aveugles !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        - Si l'amour est un rêve, le mariage serait bien le réveil matin !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   - Le mariage n'est pas la mer à boire mais la belle-mère à avaler !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              " La vie maritale est très frustrante " :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              La première année de mariage, l'homme parle et la femme écoute. La deuxième année, la femme parle et c'est l'homme qui écoute. A partir de la troisième année, ce sont les deux qui parlent, et les voisins qui écoutent.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "LES JOIES DU MARIAGE EN 10 LEÇONS" :

                                                                                                                                                                                             1. Négligence :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Le moyen le plus efficace de se rappeler la date d'anniversaire de votre femme est de l'oublier une fois.

                                                                                                                                                                                                       2. Appétit :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Le mariage, c'est comme un dîner au restaurant. À peine servi, on regarde dans l'assiette du voisin.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3. Curiosité :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Un petit garçon demande à son père: "Papa, combien ça coûte de se marier? Le père: "Je ne sais pas, j'ai pas encore fini de payer..."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         4. Avertissement :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "On ignore ce qu'est le vrai bonheur avant d'être marié... Et alors il est trop tard" !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        5. Dispute :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Le mari  : J'étais idiot quand je t'ai épousé. La femme  : Oui, mais j'étais amoureuse alors je n'ai pas remarqué !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          6. Petite annonce :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Un homme passe une annonce dans un journal qui dit  : "Je cherche une épouse" ... Le lendemain, il reçoit la réponse suivante  : 
"J'en ai justement une à la maison. Servez-vous."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         7. Citation :
"Le pire que vous puissiez faire à l'homme qui vous a pris votre femme,c'est de la lui laisser" !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 8. Réflexion :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Un  mariage c'est la victoire de l'imagination sur l'intelligence. Un second  mariage, c'est le triomphe de l'espoir sur l'expérience.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       9. Entre femmes :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Une femme fait la remarque suivante à l'une de ses amies  : "Tu ne t'es pas trompée de doigt en enfilant ton alliance ?"
L'autre répond  : "Si, c'est parce que je me suis trompée de mari" !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  10. Entre hommes :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         "C'est quoi pour toi la définition parfaite du mariage ?"  ... "C'est une façon extrêmement coûteuse de faire laver son linge gratuitement !"

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Le patron d'un restaurant s'approche d'une famille et demande à l'un des enfants :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               - Comment as-tu trouvé le steak ?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               - Tout à fait par hasard, en soulevant une frite !

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Une belle mère décide de savoir si ses trois gendres l’aiment ou au moins l’apprécient…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Le lendemain en se promenant au bord du fleuve avec son premier gendre, elle glisse dans l’eau et commence à se noyer, le gendre sans hésitation plonge et sauve sa belle mère.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Le lendemain, devant la maison, il trouve une voiture neuve, une petite Peugeot 208 avec un mot sur le pare brise :
                                                                                                                                                                                                          - Merci de la part de ta belle mère qui t’aime.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Elle entreprend le même scénario avec le deuxième gendre, celui ci plonge et sauve sa belle mère. Lui aussi reçoit une voiture, une petite Peugeot 208 avec un mot sur le pare brise :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           - Merci de la part de ta belle mère qui t’aime.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Même scénario avec le troisième gendre, elle glisse dans l’eau, elle commence à se noyer et lui regarde sa belle mère se noyer en se disant :                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     - Depuis le temps que j attendais ça !
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Le lendemain, il voit une Porsche toute neuve devant sa maison avec un petit mot :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         - Merci de la part de ton beau père qui t’aime.

.

.

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Tarzan attend à la maternité, car Jane est en train d'accoucher.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Tarzan s'impatiente, voit enfin une infirmière qui sort de la salle et lui demande :

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     - Alors, c'est un garçon ou une fille ?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Et l'infirmière lui répond :                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      - On ne sait pas, monsieur, nous n'avons pas encore réussi à l'attraper !