Un jour, le petit Maxime, 7 ans, demande à sa mère :
- Pourquoi t'as un gros ventre ?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            La mère :
- Parce que ton papa m'a donné un bébé mon chéri.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Plus tard, lorsque son père revient de travailler, le gamin lui demande :
- C'est vrai que tu as donné un bébé à maman ?
- Oui, mon garçon !

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Et le petit Maxime, effondré, fait :
- Elle l'a mangé ...

Ils étaient ensemble à la maison.
Seuls tous les deux.
Il faisait froid, une nuit sombre et orageuse.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           La tempête était venue rapidement. 
Et chaque fois que le tonnerre se faisait entendre, il la regardait sursauter. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Elle regarda à travers la pièce et admira son apparence forte. Elle voulait qu'il la prenne dans ses bras, pour la réconforter et la protéger ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Soudain, après un grand bruit, une panne d'électricité ...

Elle a crié ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Il a couru vers le canapé où elle était recroquevillée.

Il n'a pas hésité à la prendre dans ses bras. 

Il savait que c'était une amitié interdite et s'attendait à ce qu'elle le repousse.

 Il a été surpris quand elle n'a pas résisté, mais au contraire s'accrochait à lui. La tempête continuait ....

Ils savaient que leurs familles ne comprendraient jamais ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Mais tellement préoccupés par leur crainte, ils n'ont pas entendu la porte s'ouvrir ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Juste le léger déclic d'un appareil photo ... 

 (auteur inconnu)
 
 Vous vous êtes fait avoir ... moi tout pareil,  mdr !!!

Un avion est au bord du crash. cinq passagers sont à bord, mais il y a seulement quatre parachutes !                                                

Le premier passager dit : je suis zidane, le meilleur  joueur de foot du monde. le  foot a besoin de moi. je ne peux pas mourir à cause de mes fans."  il prend le premier parachute et saute.                                                                                

Le deuxième passager,  hillary clinton, dit : je suis la femme de l'ancien président des  USA, sénateur de  new  york, et potentiellement la prochaine présidente de l'amérique." elle prend le deuxième parachute et saute.      

Le troisième passager, françois hollande, dit : je suis le président de l'état français.   j'ai une responsabilité  immense en politique intérieure comme internationale.  de plus, je suis le président le plus  intelligent de toute l'histoire de mon pays ... pour mon peuple, je ne peux pas mourir. il prend un parachute et saute.                                                                                                         

Le quatrième passager, le pape, dit au cinquième passager, un petit écolier : je suis déjà vieux. j'ai vécu toute ma vie en bon chrétien.  je te donne donc le dernier parachute.                                                             

Et le petit garçon répond : il n'y a pas de problème. Vous avez aussi un  parachute. Le président le plus intelligent de france a pris mon cartable."  

Citations humour : 

 Il ne faut pas chercher à avoir le beurre et l'argent du beurre, avec le cul de la crèmière.    Anonyme

Comment manger 5 fruits et 5 légumes par jour
sans se casser la tête !
facile, vraiment très facile :   tu ouvres une boîte de macédoine de fruits ou une boîte de macédoine de légumes  ...  et hop ! le tour est joué  !!!
 

Dans un magasin de tissu ...
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            En plein été, dans un magasin de tissu, une jeune fille en mini-jupe s'adresse à un vendeur :
- Je voudrai prendre de ce tissu pour me faire une nouvelle robe. Combien vaut-il ?
- ça sera un baiser le mètre, jolie demoiselle, répond le vendeur - Très bien. Vous m'en couperez 5 mètres alors, dit la fille.
Tout rougissant et rapidement, le vendeur prend les mesures du tissu et fait la découpe, puis il emballe le tissu et le pose sur le comptoir en regardant la fille avec insistance. À ce moment là, la fille se tourne vers le trottoir et appelle :
- Grand-père, tu peux venir payer le monsieur ?

 La femme d'André s'est noyée lors de leurs vacances à Cuba ...
 Deux ans plus tard, les gardes-côtes envoient un télégramme :
 "Corps de votre épouse retrouvé couvert d'huîtres perlières d'une  valeur de 200 000 $" !

 André s'empresse de répondre :
  "Vendez huîtres, envoyez argent sur compte 116687636 à la BCI  Genève , et remettez appât en place." 

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